So... Odds are what I'm about to talk about now will come up again in future posts. And I'm okay with that.
Summer has not been an easy feat. True, others in my family are dealing with the same trial, though a little more close to home. It's heartbreaking and sad, and yet, each of us in our family has found a new hope, inspiration, and determination to stay strong, faithful, and together as a family.
A few weeks ago, I was up in Boise Idaho. It's beautiful there and I love all of my family up there dearly. My aunt and her eleven children (and their families) live there. All my cousins up there are like brothers and sisters to me. It's the closest I have. So when they are suffering, I feel the pain too. Perhaps I have involved myself too much... But I think that, in the end, having me involved will actually keep me, and maybe others, a little bit stronger.
My cousin, CJ, has a beautiful little girl named Jasolyn Rose. She is five years old and simply radiant. She has the biggest smile, the most precious laugh, an optimistic outlook on life, and a soaring spirit. She also was just diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma, which is a rare type of bone cancer. In some ways, it was a complete miracle that anyone found out about the cancer. How we did find out was when she jumped off the couch and broke her ankle. It was on the x-rays that they saw the white spot and decided to get it checked out. And after it was tested and all, they discovered that it was cancer.
The next few days were surreal. I couldn't believe this little girl had this killer disease! My relationship with her is like a distant aunt for a niece: I may not see her weekly, or even early... But she still means so much to me. The same goes for everyone up there in Boise: They are my family and I don't have to see them every day to have a close bond to each and every on of them.
It was when, one Sunday, we had the entire family together for a BBQ that the reality of this hit me. For half an hour, I sat with beautiful Jasolyn and colored, talked, and helped her get around (she couldn't walk on her broken ankle). But perhaps the hardest moment for me to keep back the tears was when she showed me her little necklace. It was the word 'courage.' And Jasolyn, in a completely non-five-year-old sort of way, explained to me what courage meant. And man, if people could define words, Jasolyn would define courage.
Despite this horrible illness, she smiles daily. She grasped the thought of losing all of her hair through chemotherapy and thought positively (I want wigs!). She thought about the 3-5 days of being in the hospital as an adventure... Whether she does still, I'm sure she does... As I am back in Arizona, now. And what made me want to cry more was when she pleaded for me to be there after her surgery (explained later). I was afraid I wouldn't be able to be there, when she wanted me there so badly... But I was able to go.
The Tuesday after that BBQ, she went into a 3 hour surgery. She endured the surgery for her Central Line (basically where doctors put tubes into your aorta and string them to outside her body), had to have a sample of bone marrow taken out, and as well as a spot on her lung checked. Both of those procedures were to check and see if Jasolyn's cancer was spreading. Thank the Lord that it, so far, has not.
However, the battle isn't easy. I went to visit her in the hospital about an hour after the surgery. It was the day before I was to leave for Arizona. The poor angel was in terrible pain and was very tired, but she still managed to smile at me. She was happy to see me there, like I said I would. It was hard to see her in that much pain, and almost harder to watch her mom fight back tears, too. (Not constantly, but I saw glimmers of it).
CJ, her sister Stacie, and their mom have created a Facebook page for Jasolyn, so that everyone can stay up to date on Jasolyn's battle with cancer. It's only been two weeks since her surgery, and she has already endured one chemotherapy treatment and the lose of all of her hair. Today, all of her uncles shaved their heads for little Jasolyn, to show their support. If I was up there in Boise, my hair would be gone, too.
But instead of shaving my head for support, I am actually creating memories... I have dozens of photos of Jasolyn alone, with people, etc, and I am using picnik to edit these photos. I have quotes in each one, and I will print them out as photos and send them to her for her birthday, Christmas, etc. I'll also keep sending her letters and such.
The thing that I have realized is that this little girl is my hero. She is so strong and so courageous that I am simply amazed. A five year old girl is battling for her life, yet she still smiles, laughs, and loves unconditionally. She is not bitter or depressed... She is still the beautiful, radiant little girl we all know and love. If anything, this sweet little girl is an angel on earth. She gives me something to fight for that is so much bigger than me, but so important to me too. I too battle illness every single day. They are invisible illnesses, (other than side effects) and most of them chronic. Most of the time, I feel like giving up. But then I see this girl, who is less than a third of my age, fighting a battle so much harder than mine. Sure, I cannot go to a doctor to get my illnesses officially diagnosed... Sure, I could die any day if it got much worse... But I don't have a tumor raging war on my body (that I can be sure of). I don't have to endure chemotherapy, that wipes out all my white blood sells and makes me prone to viruses. I don't have to be carted around because of a broken ankle and because I'm too weak to move.... Yet, sometimes I find myself bitter. Jasolyn? No. She is strong.
For now, that's all I'll say about this. There's a lot going on in my life right now, but Jasolyn's seems to be the most important. I love her so much and I pray every day for her to have strength and to keep her outlook on this all. Jasolyn, I love you so much. You are the inspiration of my day to day life. Keep on fighting, sweet pea. Keep up the courage. You are loved so much, and I know that you will beat this.
(Picture at top of post is of Jasolyn at the BBQ... Pictures at bottom are of Jasolyn and CJ; and Jasolyn and her cousin Cynthia two years ago at my cousin's wedding)
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